Pessimism
by: Josell

I was raised to be a pessimist. my mom, out of love and care, was (and still is) paranoid about everything. to most moms, including mine, everything is judged by worst case scenario. for example, in a regular person's eyes, going out in the rain without an umbrella is uncomfortable. you'll get a little wet and a little cold. in a mother's point of view, you'll get sick, catch a pneumonia, and die. that's just how it is.

growing up, i was taken care of more by my mom. my dad was a great dad, don't get me wrong, but when it came to which parent was brushing my teeth, giving me baths, reading me stories at night, tucking me in, it was usually my mom. my dad worked alot while my mom took up the all-important task of...being a mom.

a child between the ages of 3-5 (give or take a few years) is like a sponge. they absorb anything and everything going on around them; and those things, in the long run, effect how they think, react, and overall define their personality. if a child of that age is exposed to, say, pornography, later on down the line that could cause an addiction to porn, a strange sexual fetish, rape, an addiction to sex, pedophilia, etc. another example of your childhood defining who you are: growing up without a dad. for boys, this is incredibly defining. "the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree," as they say, but what happens when there isn't a tree to begin with? usually, a boy would model himself after his father...and is slightly influenced by outside sources. when he grows up without a dad, pretty much all his influences are outside sources. he's forced to grow up, forced to be the man of the family, sooner than most boys his age. usually, this results in a "mature" personality. i put mature in quotes because on one hand, he's "grown up" faster than he should have, so he acts like an adult, puts on responsibilities like an adult, but has never had a stable base to model himself after that he is very insecure. while very mature on the outside, he's still trying to find out who he is on the inside.

please remember that i'm not speaking for everyone's experience, but just giving an example of sorts. everyone will react different to the same circumstance - the point that i'm trying to express is that we are deeply effected by our childhood.

anyway, i digress. speaking on pessimism, i took on the pessimistic nature of my mom. everything i see is almost worst case scenario, and whenever i take on a goal or a challenge, i expect myself to fail. in my mind, this way, i will never be disappointed in myself. low self-confidence, highly self-conscious...that's me. in my mind, i won't take on something if i haven't weighed all the factors around it. i think realistically, and not compulsively. sometimes, that's good. but other times, that's bad. compulsive thinkers see only the pros in a situation, and because of the pros, jump into right away. when they are finally in the situation and find out all the cons, THAT'S when they think to themselves, "...this wasn't such a great idea." i see the CONS right from the start, and that alone makes me not want to do something - resulting many times, in a dull life.

The balance between the two is something i'm struggling to find.

the pessimistic nature i have causes me to think of bad times that haven't even happened yet. sometimes, things not even guaranteed to happen. example: sunday night comes along, and i'm at a party. it's a great party, but i'm not having fun. why? because i'm thinking that i have work the next day. how stupid is that? yes, it's one thing to know that you can't get hammered on sunday because you have work the very next day, but it's another thing to keep yourself from having a good time solely because you know that this good time "ends" tomorrow. instead of seizing the day and living for the joy of the moment, i think about the future, and worry about the pain of tomorrow. that is what keeps me from being happy, and that is my major personality disorder.

the good news? old dogs CAN learn new tricks. the fallacy is that people limit themselves by saying that they will never change. people can change, believe me. if alcoholics can become sober, if smokers can quit, then you can change how you think.

a wise man said to me once: "it takes a lifetime to change a lifetime."

if you want to change who you are, you have to work at it, and constantly believe you can - day in and day out. what i'm trying to change about myself - my pessimism - has already had a 21 year head start on me. can i expect myself to change by tomorrow? never. by next week? not a chance. in a year? possibly. in 5? easily. it just takes WORK and PATIENCE.

so for all pessimists out there (including myself):
LEARN
from the past instead of dwelling on it,
PLAN
for tomorrow instead of worrying about it,
but most important,
ENJOY TODAY


it's called "the present" because it's a gift.